I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
