i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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