I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
