Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
