drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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