my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
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