just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
