I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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