She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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