I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
