I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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