Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
