Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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