WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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