He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
