just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
