Do you still have your period?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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