sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
