I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
