It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Randomize
