Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
