video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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