i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
