ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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