fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
