there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Just pee around me
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
