Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
