Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
