I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
