What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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