Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
