I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
