my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
