My hand turned me down
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
