he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
