I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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