its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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