that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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