Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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