found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
