Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
