fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
so let's talk penis.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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