please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
