The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
