Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
