I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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