the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
