i need an iv and a liver transplant
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
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