We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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