you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
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