I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
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