living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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