I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
