Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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