remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
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