Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
