If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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