I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize