I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
