I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
