I am spending my child support on dildos
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
