Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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