I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
