I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize