I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
honey bunches of taint.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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