he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
