My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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