I accidentally burped into my bong.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
