my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Randomize
