five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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